The Cycles of Damage

After wearing my hair (publically) natural for over four years now, it’s hard to even imagine not being natural.  But, I have to say, it took a lot for me to get to this point.  For several years, before I took the “natural plunge”, I often admired natural hairstyles that I saw other people (both females and males) rockin’.  I wanted to go natural, over ten years ago, but every time I planned to do it, I’d find some reason not to.

I remember, about a decade ago, a male coworker friend and I had both planned to start loc’ing our hair together.  He was growing his fro’ out and I think I was wearing braids at the time, with my natural and/or transitioning hair underneath.  We had planned on calling up a loctitian and scheduling an appointment to get our starter locs.  But, every time, we chickened out.  He’d get his fro cut down to a low fade and I’d either get my hair braided again or go back to the perm.

With all that wishy-washy stuff, eventually, the ultimate decision basically was made for me...by my own hair, through recurring cycles of hair damage.  It was as if my hair was saying, “Alright!  Enough of this madness!  No more relaxers!  I’m not putting up with this anymore!  Get off the creamy crack, Yo!”

For me, the cycles of hair damage began around 1994, when I was in my early 20’s.  In hindsight, I can tie many of the cycles of hair damage to life-changing experiences.  As my life went through transitions, so did my hair.

I began experiencing breakage in the top, or crown, of my head.  Somebody told me that was the “nerve spot”, where the hair is affected by stress.  Well, that was easy to explain.  I was extremely stressed out, working on a job I absolutely hated! 

When the breakage wouldn’t seem to stop, I had my hair cut short, to let the hair to grow out the same length all over.  Relief finally came when I changed jobs later that year.  (Whew!  Thank ya, Lord!)  The funny thing is, the new job was, literally, right across the street from the old one AND I actually took a $4,000 cut in pay just to get outta that place!  Now, I know some people might think taking that much of a pay cut is crazy, but...if I hadn’t left that job...oooohhh!!!  Let’s just say, I needed to do that to keep my sanity!  And I can honestly say, to this day, I have absolutely NO regrets about making that move.

I’m not saying that the job was THE sole source of my stress (knowing the person I was back then, there was probably something else going on with me), but making that transition definitely did some good.  Not only did my hair grow back, but my skin cleared up, my demeanor and attitude improved (I may have still been somewhat of a drama queen back then, but I was so much more pleasant to be around...well, at least I think I was.  Hmmm, might have to ask some of the people who were around me then.)  AND I lost 50 pounds!  (Being all stressed out on that other job, I had regained all but 13 of the 35 to 40 pounds I had lost a couple of years earlier.)  But, most important of all, I had PEACE OF MIND...priceless!  Now, that’s when I got a true revelation that money ain’t everything.  And on top of that, I didn’t miss a beat financially.  God had my back!

Problem solved, right?  Yeah, for a while.  Even though my hair-breakage issue did seem to go away then, I did eventually go through those cycles of damage again in later years and several times.

I shared that experience to demonstrate that although the “creamy crack” (chemical relaxer) can often be the primary culprit of hair damage, it may not always be the ONLY factor.  Stress, as well as diet, also play key roles in the health of our hair, whether natural, relaxed, or somewhere in between.  We, naturalistas and transitionistas, can be sittin’ up here with totally chemical-free hair and still experience the same type of breakage (I’m speaking from experience).

Whether we’re experiencing damage/breakage or not, I believe we should occasionally take time to evaluate our lives and ask ourselves:

• How well do I manage the stress in my life?
• What do I need to change?  What can I do to eliminate the stressors in my life?
• How is my diet?  Am I cultivating my temple (my body) with healthy life-giving foods or am I stuffing it with a bunch of junk and poisonous substances?
• Am I drinking enough water?  (Our bodies are made mostly of water, so we need to make sure we are well hydrated.  And yes, not drinking enough water can affect our hair.)

Let’s love our bodies and love our hair by not only putting healthy things in them, but also by eliminating the negativity, stress, and drama from our lives.  You know what they say, “Garbage in, garbage out!”  Let’s get the garbage out of our lives.

Let’s also try to find better ways to deal with unavoidable stress, such as not giving in to negative emotions, not caving in to emotional eating, not allowing negativity and words of “doom and gloom” to come out of our mouths, and most importantly, learning to cast our cares upon the Lord (I Peter 5:7) and PRAY!  PRAY!  PRAY! (I Thes. 5-17)

I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to comment.  Have you experienced this type of “stress damage”?

Also feel free to drop me a line via email (NaturallyYo@gmail.com) for suggestions on topics you’d like me to cover in the future.

(Contains excerpts from "TranZitions: Revelations on My Journey to Natural Hair and Freedom" by Y. T. Jones)

Accepting Our Uniqueness

As we celebrate our heritage this Black History Month, we can acknowledge that wearing our hair in its natural hair texture is definitely a part of our history, dating back to the Motherland.  Some of us celebrate our hair, while others...well...don’t...feeling that their natural hair is nothing to celebrate, but rather, something to loathe, or be ashamed of.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who wears her hair braided in extensions.  Her braids were gorgeous!  I complimented her on her braids.  At the same time, she complimented me on my natural hair, which I usually wear in two-strand twists.  She’s wearing braids while in transition to completely natural hair.  She said she wanted to give her hair a break from the braids and was trying to decide what to do with her hair next.  I made a few suggestions of transitional hairstyles she could try.  I like talking about hair, so the conversation continued for a couple of minutes, mainly about the “transition” process, etc.  But, I had to make my exit when she said that she had asked God why she couldn’t have the “good stuff”, the type of hair that she could just “wet and go” (I’m paraphrasing, because I don’t remember her exact words).  But, the bottom line is that she wished that she had what she considered “good hair”.

I’m not judging...because for a large part of my life, I felt the same way.  I remember, especially, as a child and even into young adulthood, wishing (and even praying) that my hair wasn’t so nappy, that my skin wasn’t so dark, that my nose wasn’t so wide, that my lips weren’t so full, that my thighs weren’t so big, etc., etc.  So, I’ve been there, and it’s sad...to be so “unaccepting” of oneself.

I mean, sure, who doesn’t want “no fuss” hair.  But, I have to say, I was disappointed and even slightly annoyed, to hear her say those things.  I had to make an exit, because I just didn’t want to hear that negativity.  I will tell you now, I absolutely HATE the terms “good hair” and “bad hair”, when they’re used in their traditional context, referring to hair that more closely resembles European hair as “good hair”, while the closer the hair resembles what we consider African or afro-textured hair, it is referred to as “bad hair”.  Well, who told us our hair was bad, huh?  (I think we all know the answer to that question...anyway...that question reminds me of the Bible, in Genesis, when God asked Adam and Eve, after they ate the forbidden fruit and hid their nakedness, “Who told you that you were naked?”).  What forbidden fruit (mindset, standard of beauty, etc.) have we allowed ourselves to partake of?

After so much conditioning of our minds to hate our African features (hair texture, skin color, wide noses, etc.), nobody (other races) even has to tell us that anymore.  We tell ourselves and each other...by setting standards of beauty within our own race.  (Thank God, that’s turning around, particularly, with more acceptance of our natural hair, but we’ve still got a long way to go).  The Bible says in Genesis 1:31, “God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.”  God made us, including our hair.  So, if it’s good enough for God, the Creator of all things, it’s should certainly be good enough for us.

What I consider good hair is hair that is healthy, manageable, styleable.  To me, bad hair is unhealthy, damaged, unmanageable, unstyleable...consistently.  (I’m not talking about those occasional “bad hair days”, that most, if not all of us, have experienced from time to time, even with healthy hair).  My point is, I don’t care how straight or soft and wavy a person’s natural hair texture is, if it’s unhealthy, stringy, thinning, lifeless, has a bunch of split ends, etc., that’s bad hair!  Even if someone’s hair is what society considers “kinky” or “nappy”, if it’s healthy and full, and styleable (even if it’s a “nontraditional” style or even styled on the “wild” side), that’s good hair!

Yes, I’ve definitely had my share of struggles trying to maintain and style my natural hair, particularly in the earlier days of my natural hair journey.  And yes, I still go through hair struggles, but, my hair, which many may consider “nappy” or “very kinky” (I prefer the terms, “very coily” or “very curly”...wink, wink), is much healthier, thicker, fuller now, than it was during those recurring cycles of perm damage, particularly during my latter phase of straightening, when I was embarrassed, because it was breaking and thinning; when I was doing a “comb-over”, to hide the “hole” in my hair; when I didn’t want anybody to stand, walk, or sit behind me and see the back of my head.

The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, that as a man thinks in his heart, so he is (or becomes).  We must choose to think and say positive things about ourselves and about our hair.  As I hinted above, just as a personal choice, I no longer refer to my hair as “nappy” or “kinky”, but rather “very coily” or “very curly”.  I thank God for its thickness, and that it’s healthy and strong.  I speak life and wholeness, “shalom” (a Hebrew word, meaning peace, prosperity, wholeness, soundness, nothing missing and nothing broken), not death, destruction, and weakness over my hair.

Psalm 139:14 says, “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”  We should thank God that He fearfully and wonderfully made us.  Each of us is one of His marvelous works.  We are God’s masterpieces (Ephesians 2:10).  Because our hair, whatever the texture, is a part of each of us, that means that our hair is fearfully and wonderfully made and a marvelous work of God!  And God doesn’t make mistakes!  He custom-designed our hair and made it specifically for each of us.  Our souls (our minds, our wills, and our emotions) must come to know (and accept) that very well.

So, whatever your hair texture is, don’t curse it.  It is what it is!  Accept it, thank God for it, do your best with it, take good care of it, love it, pamper it, enjoy it!  Do what’s best for you!  Do you!  Whether it’s braided, faded, loc’ed, twisted, in a curly ‘fro, a ‘fro hawk, afro puffs, relaxed, pressed, weaved, in a ponytail, under a wig, “fried, dyed, and laid to the side”, or whatever.  And if you don’t know what to do with it, ask God.  The Bible tells us in James 1:5, that if anyone lacks wisdom, we should ask God, who will give us a liberal supply of wisdom.

No matter how you choose to wear your hair, whether others choose to love it, like it, or hate it (just make sure you don’t hate it), it is what it is!  We are not our hair (and our hair should not define us), but our hair is a unique part of the masterpiece that God created each of us to be.  Embrace your uniqueness!  Love your hair (whatever the texture) and love yourself...the marvelous work of God that you are!

(Contains excerpts from "TranZitions: Revelations on My Journey to Natural Hair and Freedom" by Yolanda T. Jones)

TRANSITION

Transition, both good and bad, is inevitable, an unavoidable part of our lives.  Oftentimes, one transition leads to a whole series of transitions, which can bring about a variety of emotions and thoughts, often shaping our lives, in one aspect or another. 

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of transition is “passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another; a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another”, or more simply put, “CHANGE.”

Having made a recent transition, relocating from one region of the country (Midwest) to another (South), I have found myself in a whirlwind of transitions (before, during, and after the move).  Unlike my transition to natural hair, the “during” part of this transition was the easiest…just pack up the moving truck and go!

On the contrary, as many of us naturalistas can attest, particularly those who are right in the midst of transitioning, the “during” phase of transitioning to natural hair is often accompanied by some hair drama…well…my transition was.

Transition, particularly voluntary transitions, can make us question ourselves.  But we must believe, that somehow, with God directing our steps, it’ll all work out for our good…and for the good of others whose lives we touch.

The transition of relocating from one state to another has brought about other transitions, adjustments/adaptations for me…a different climate, different environment/surroundings, different people, different demographics, different living conditions.  Not only was it a physical transition, but it was (and continues to be) a time of spiritual, social, emotional, financial, and professional transition for me…not to mention the impact on other people in my life, who have been directly affected by and/or have had to make adjustments, as a result of my transition.

Even though my hair is already natural, since relocating, I’m also experiencing a hair transition…from having a natural hair stylist and a colorist doing my hair on a regular basis to doing it all myself, in addition to my hair having to adjust to a more humid climate…shrinkage!  I'm a native Southerner, but when I left the South many years ago, shrinkage wasn't really an issue for me, because I was hooked on that "creamy crack" (relaxer) back then.

You may wonder what relocating from one state to another has to do with the natural hair journey.  Well, just as relocation involves transition (passage from one place to another; movement; change), bringing about big change in life, so does making the transition (evolution from one form, stage, or style to another) from chemically-processed hair to natural hair.

Although the “before” and “after” phases of my natural hair journey weren’t as difficult as the actual “in between”/transition period itself, they were, by no means, easy.  “Pre-transition”, there was a lot of “hemming” and “hawing” about whether and when to go natural.  There were a lot of questions in my mind…How long will it take to grow out my perm?  Will I have to get all my hair cut off?  What will my natural texture look like?  What will others think about it?  Will I be able to get another job with natural hair?  Will men find me attractive with natural hair?

Unfortunately, unless you do “The Big Chop” (B.C.), the transition from chemically-relaxed hair to natural hair can be a lonnnngggggggg and/or difficult process (unless you’re really creative...and patient), not just physically, but emotionally, socially, mentally, spiritually, and financially.  Even after the B.C., the transition from the “Teeny Weeny Afro” (TWA) to longer natural hair, can be quite the experience itself…well...mine was.

In hindsight, just doing the B.C. from the beginning (instead of putting it off and continuing to go through all the hair drama…partially relaxed, partially pressed, partially natural, all at the same time), woulda killed all that noise.  It would’ve been better for me to just “chop it off & roll wit’ it”!  But like other life transitions, sometimes, we need to go through the longer journey.  We may only see the outward transformation, or drama, but all the while, God is working out a plan, working out some things within us (and out of us)…something much deeper than just growing out of a perm or moving to another state.  In the end, we realize that the transition was necessary, to get us to the other side, to the next phase, to a victorious outcome!

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”  Another version of the Bible says, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (NLT)

We’re down here on Earth agonizing over our hair, relocating, jobs, relationships, the future, the past, etc., and God is up in Heaven probably saying, “Oh, my child, my child…if you only knew the things I have in store for you.  If you only knew the doors this transition will open up for you!  Be patient (steadfast, unmovable, consistent, constant)!”  In other words, “Stop trippin’!”  (I’m preachin’ to myself, if anybody, as I write this.)

Isaiah 40:28 says of God, “…There is no searching of His understanding.”  Other versions of the Bible state that “…No one can measure the depths of His understanding” (NLT) and “…He knows everything, inside and out” (MSG).  Wow!  What an awesome God!

Whether we’re making transitions with our hair, jobs, geographic locations, relationship/marital status, parenthood, finances, our spiritual lives, etc., we all go through transitions.  But it’s up to us to develop and maintain the right attitude about it and just trust God.  Our times are in God’s hands.  We must pray and allow God to guide us through the necessary steps to get “to the other side”.

When we do Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track” (MSG), we can avoid many of the obstacles and the DRAMA that often comes with transition.

Many of our transitional periods could be shorter and less painful, if we just TRUST HIM and BELIEVE!  Jesus said in Mark 9:23, “…all things are possible to him who believes” and in Mark 10:27, “…with God all things are possible.”

THE BOTTOM LINE:  as you make your transition to natural hair or to the next phase of your natural hair journey (or whatever transition you may be experiencing), BELIEVE for better results!  BELIEVE for a smooth transition!  BELIEVE for a great outcome!

(Contains excerpts from "TranZitions: Revelations on My Journey to Natural Hair and Freedom" by Yolanda T. Jones)